Love is in the air everywhere we look around today – but hey, there’s no need to panic. You’ve got it all covered.
Stop off at the garage on the way home, grab that last, limp bunch of half-wilted flowers, take advantage of the two-for-a-fiver offer on bottles of wine at the local Co-op, and you’re good to go, right?
Erm, not exactly.
You see, it turns out that our better halves aren’t too smitten with an obvious last-minute effort, or with even half the things that well-intentioned blokes arrive home with on February 14th.
But don’t worry, help is at hand. Whether you’re a hopeless romantic – or, you know, just a bit hopeless – here’s a few top tips on what not to do this Valentine’s Day.
Electricians: Don’t worry – the lighting is supposed to be like that
You arrive home after a long day on site to find your poor beloved has been left in the dark. There she sits, alone at the dinner table, with only a few, carefully-placed candles illuminating the room.
Clearly, she’s been waiting for you to come home and fix it, right? Not to worry, you’re a professional, you’ve got this. You run to your van, grab your tools and…
… wait, stop!
The lighting is like that on purpose! It’s called a candlelit dinner for two and it’s supposed to be romantic, so there’s no need to start messing with the electrics. Sit down, eat your dinner, and she’ll love you far more than if spend Valentine’s Day turning her dining room into a jungle of wires.
Remember: Fixing stuff you were supposed to fix anyway isn’t a gift
The dining room lights may not need fixing, but there’s a lot of things that do, isn’t there? So you look at that ever-growing list of jobs she’s been asking you to do for months and suddenly, you get an idea – get the jobs done and call it a Valentine’s Day gift. After all, nothing says amore quite like a retiled bathroom, right?
Come on, mate, you were supposed to do that bathroom six months ago, and she’ll see right through the fact that you’ve only done it now because you forgot to buy her chocolates or a new piece of jewellery.
And, speaking of things that aren’t gifts…
She won’t be as impressed by your shiny new tool as you think
That new Makita electric screwdriver sure is a thing of a beauty, isn’t it? Stylish, practical, powerful – what woman wouldn’t want one for a Valentine’s gift?
Well, yours for one thing, and most women in the world for another.
Trust me on this one – no matter how much you might find yourself fantasising about them, there’s nothing sexy or romantic about power tools. Besides, why would she want that electric screwdriver when she’s got you around? The DIY stuff is your job, so hop to it and get her something else…
… and no, by ‘something else’, we don’t just mean another brand of electric screwdriver!
Seriously, stop bragging about your shiny new tool
Okay, so you just couldn’t resist splurging on that new Makita electric screwdriver, and ever since it’s been your absolute favourite toy. You love the way it feels when you hold it, the way it purrs when you turn it on, the way it…
… wait, what were we talking about again?
Oh yes, you love that shiny new piece of kit almost as much you love your better half, but after resisting the urge to fix the lights, don’t spend the entire duration of your candlelit dinner telling her all about it.
There’s no need to make her jealous, is there?
When it comes to gifts… think inside the box
Whether it’s the bloke who came up with a creative alternative to buying a stair gate or the one who used a power drill as a kitchen whisk, history (and Youtube) is rife with stories of guys who tried to think outside the box when doing something nice for their beloved and got it utterly, spectacularly wrong.
Chocolates, jewellery and surprise weekend getaways may not be the most original ideas in the world, but let’s be honest, they’re far less likely to get you in trouble than some of those ‘out there’ ideas and schemes you’ve been concocting lately.
That weekend away wasn’t quite what she had in mind…
For weeks, she’s been hinting that what she’d really like for Valentine’s Day is to be whisked away on a surprise weekend break.
So, what could be more surprising than revealing you’re taking her for a wet weekend in Bradford to attend the National Builders Association Annual Conference, where the main attraction is a three-hour lecture on the benefits of using the new Makita electric screwdriver?
Trust us mate – that’s not what she had in mind.
Think Paris, a nice, quiet place in the countryside or – you know – anywhere else.
Now, while you’re busy booking that, we’re off. We’ve got to leg it down to the garage before they sell out of half-dead, half-wilted flowers. We’re sure our missus is gonna to love them.